I am constantly reminded of the similarities between long-distance cycling and battling mental illness every time I get out on my bicycle! Make no mistake about it, for me, these rides are no longer mere fun! As my latest ride update will show, these long-distance rides are now a mixture of fun, mundaneness, endlessness, miserableness, elation, satisfaction, discouragement, sprinkled with selflessness and selfishness! (Did I get all my adjectives right?) I was glad to be able to get back on my bike and continue this fundraising journey, but on the other hand, I got a quick refresher on what an incredibly sore buttocks feels like, along with that endless feeling of pedaling into eternity, where a km now feels like a mile, and where I long to hear that Samsung Health Voice tell me I have made it another km! If you read over my 'about page' on here you can see why I am doing this, but I feel this is a good time to re-examine and remind myself, as well as make clearer to you, why I am putting myself through this.
I battle-I do not thrive with-serious mental illness, dealing with bipolar and anxiety disorders. I have spent my fair share of time in mental illness wards in hospitals, have overdosed 3 or 4 times, spent months upon months in my bed, not showering, barely existing, and even became so hopeless that I asked my family doctor about assisted suicide, so while all of our struggles are unique to the individual, I very well know how incredibly hard it can be to deal with mental illness! I have also struggled with various addictions in my life! There is not one area of my life that hasn't been negatively impacted by mental illness since I was 14 years old, and that is so to this very day-now 27 years counting-the negative impact being deeply felt! Yes, I am aware of some of the positives that have come from my battles, but I would never be one to subscribe to the idea that I am better off by having mental illness, which I have heard some say. To me, to say I was glad I had mental illness would not only be a lie, but I feel it would minimize and diminish what I and so many others go through, in what can be a relentless struggle at times. With this being my background, I set out with this fundraiser to try and encourage others and give them hope that they can still do some pretty cool and amazing things, even with mental illness, if they can find the right fit and get the proper supports, regardless if the achievements and success do not end up looking like they thought they perhaps would from the outset, or how those things may look for most others. But, why try to cycle 200kms one day?
I am no little guy, I am 6' and 270lbs; you can imagine that even though I have a naturally strong cardio system, having always been a good long distance performer, moving 270lbs is no easy task. I knew from last summer, that when I get to certain distances, it becomes a huge challenge! And here is where it all comes together, where to me it all makes sense to use this challenge as a platform for mental illness and as a CMHA fundraiser. Cycling 200kms in one day is extreme for most of the population, this is true, and I am not trying to say that in order to accomplish something worthwhile one has to do such an extreme thing, not my goal at all to imply that; one could cycle 5kms and for them that could be as challenging as a 100kms for someone else. No, but what I am trying to show is that this goal lines up for me. Like I said, I have a naturally strong cardio system, so that is my fit. I also have people helping and encouraging me-this is the support! I also have a natural desire for such challenges- that is the natural interest part. Sure, beyond 60-70kms, it goes from joy to a struggle overall, but this is where I can really bring out the similarities between long-distance cycling and mental illness, because so often I (I know many others as well) have to push and endure, rest, push again, rinse and repeat in managing my mental health! When I am 15-20kms away from the finish line, I don't often want to cycle anymore, I want off my bike, I want to go home, but just like with mental illness, I have to keep going! And, because it is the right fit for me, because it is possible, I do keep going! Yes, here is why I want to cycle 200kms in one day, not to be extreme, but to do my best to help others see that even when they may want to quit and stop fighting, it may be possible for them to keep going! If you are one of those who struggle hard, trust me, please trust me, I know so deeply how tough it can be to fight mental illness, but please don't lose hope, it can get better, you just never know! For a certainty, this is why I put myself through these long distances, and I feel anything less would not be sufficient in replicating the ups and downs, twists and turns, many of us go through in our lives, mental illness or not!
Again, it was good to get back on my bicycle, to get one step closer to 200kms, and be knocking on the door of the halfway point, 100kms! But, who doesn't like a little suspense, so I will try to provide some here: me reaching this goal of 200kms is by no means a certainty, I am working around a tight hamstring, I still have 9 or more rides to build up to 200kms, wherein the weather could play an increasing role in this challenge, with cooler temperatures in September/October and shorter days, and there is also the need to try and keep up my motivation and conviction, but like with my life, so with cycling, one ride at a time! I definitely hope you are encouraged and motivated by what I am doing, and if you haven't yet, and desire to, I welcome you to donate to this cause, which you can find the link to the CMHA donation page on my website here, and please help me make this fundraiser a success on all levels! Stay strong peoples!